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The Colbert Report/Episode/586
Production Info |- |} |- |} Intro SEGMENT1 * lotta news out there * what should Stephen talk about * Emmy nominations were reported! ** Colbert Report received three! * Outstanding individual performance ** discontinued ** didn't want it taken away * ice men ** still nostalgic for those days * this is not about Colbert ** Letterman, Conan, Neil Sedaka * 2009 Memy Awards ** similar to the Emmy, but more ball * deserves recognition for their accomplishments * Outstanding Individual ** Mother Teresa ** Martin Luther King ** Leonardo DiVinci ** John Stewart ** Stephen Colbert * will be announced September SEGMENT2 * never let past life experience ** who knows what will happen next time * court must be like baseball ** Scalia might be juicing * Things I Have Learned Bias ** Tonight's word: Neutral Man's Burden * vast majority of Supreme Court justices have been neutral * Alito takes his life experiences into account, but neutrally ** he can do it, Sotomayor cannot * in America white is neutral * band-aids have come in standard white person color ** crayon called it "flesh" * Dred Scott decision * Japanese internment * Asians are neutral in Asia * Africans are neutral in Africa * Hispanics are neutral in Hispanica ** Ants are neutral in Antarctica * her personal background must be neutralize SEGMENT3 * Cheating Death! * brought to you by Prescott Pharmaceuticals ** proud makers of truly generic drug *** Drug, for treatment of disease * Diabetes ** in England dogs are used to warn diabetes of changing blood levels ** Prescott introduces Vaxa-Doodle * Side effects ** beast infections ** rosemary babies ** * Sports Medicine ** exercising chocolate milk is just as good as sports drink ** Prescott Sports Malt, contains: electrolytes, potassium, single malt scotch **milk in the form of Bailey's Irish Cream * side effects: ** irritating bowel ** chests pattern baldness * Pain Management ** swearing after an injury ** VaxaMother**Dreme(sp?) *** each capsule contains * available only with a prescription * Side effectss: ** rectal departure ** strangulated narnia * you might have gone blin without taking our product Interview * Edmund Andrews ** book: "Busted: Life Inside the Great Mortgage Meltdown" * did not read his own articles ** ignored the New York Times because it's all lies * big part of mortgage crisis has to do with emotion (quest for bliss) trumps money * blaming his foreclosure on love * he was offered a half million mortgage ** took $400,000 * was hoping his wife could make up the difference * easier to buy a house than rent an apartment * he has a huge debt Epilogue * if you've had half as much fun watching as Sir Dr. Colbert had making it; he had two times as much fun and he wins! Gallery File: File: File: File: File: File: File: File: File: File: Official Truthy Videos * Colbert Nation Home Tube External Tubes *Link Title *Link Title Reviews and Comments